Warrier's Collage January 17, 2022

Welcome To Warrier's COLLAGE On Monday January 17, 2022 Surya Krishnamurthy's Ganapathy Idols Collection : https://youtu.be/9WzvNqNdBGI Good Morning Nice Day M G Warrier A Response E X Joseph Atlanta Thank you my dear Warrier for mentioning my Hero : Walt Whitman. Leaves of Grass is my constant companion. You must be enjoying Kerala. Hope jackfruits are getting ready for you. (This house in Sastamangalam was constructed during 1976-77 and is situated some 500 metres away from M K Vasudevan Nair's house where we met him during 1964-65. Nair was President of AG's Office Association Thiruvananthapuram then. 🙏-Warrier) B Institutions : Reserve Bank of India, Thiruvananthapuram https://g.co/kgs/FD8CKK C Life A Speed breaker https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/readersblog/anagathist/racing-towards-the-unknown-40501/ Excerpts : "While riding my scooter at a slow speed, I observe people. Their actions, their facial expressions, their body language. I notice their smiles and laughter, scorns and scowls, and their pensiveness. Obviously, I do it with all my senses intact and being watchful of the moving traffic. I ride following the traffic rule – Keep Left – so as to allow the speeding vehicles to win the race. The most interesting moment to observe is at the traffic signal. The confluence of people of different ages at one place: some listening to the music in their car; a few talking with the pillion rider; a couple of them blurting obscenities on the phone; someone checking messages on the mobile; someone spitting phlegm; someone making graffiti on the road by splattering red juice; someone constantly keeping an eye on the signal to turn green." Posted online comments : "ineresting thoughts. enjoyed reading. the approach "In a similar fashion, i want to observe my actions, my state of mind, and my body language while progressing towards the unknown future at a comparatively slower speed. i want to know if i am able to maintain equanimity even in a challenging situation as i do during the traffic on the road.\" can help anyone at a dead end to take the right diversion. keep writing' D Literature : Shakespeare's Comedies https://www.sparknotes.com/shakespeare/life-and-times/plays-by-genre/comedy/ "If there is a single element that unites all Shakespearean comedies, it is a wedding, or several weddings, at the end of the play. Although not all of the fourteen plays classified as comedies in the First Folio are particularly light-hearted or humorous, all end with at least one marriage. The convention of ending a comedy with a wedding provides the audience with assurance that whatever conflicts arise in the play will not have lasting, negative consequences for the protagonists or society at large. Unlike the fatal conflicts of Shakespeare’s tragedies, conflicts in his comedies are reconciled before serious harm can come to anyone. Because the audience knows the discord is only temporary, we don’t take the foibles and misfortunes of the characters seriously, and we trust they will end the play happier than they began. (Please note, even in the 16th Century : "All comedies end with a marriage/several marriages"🙏-Warrier) E Shared by Dr Chitra Nashik From Reader's Digest Missed the 1st 8, and one about 19 & 20 is either incomplete or I haven't understood it 9/102 Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There's no menu : You get what you deserve. 10 / 102 A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!” “Don't worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions 11 / 102 A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and … cola.” “Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. “I'm not sure; I was born with them.” 12 / 102 Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage. 13 / 102 Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space. 14 / 102 Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything. 15 / 102 Why did the chicken go to the séance? To get to the other side. Check out these other “why did the chicken cross the road?” jokes for more laughs. 16 / 102 Where are average things manufactured? The satisfactory. 17 / 102 How do you drown a hipster? Throw him in the mainstream. 18 / 102 What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck 19 / 102 What does a nosy pepper do? Gets jalapeño business! 20 / 102 How does Moses make tea? He brews. 21 / 102 Why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? They always take things literally. 22 / 102 How do you keep a bagel from getting away? Put lox on it. 23 / 102 A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I'm addicted to Twitter!” The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don't follow you …” 24 / 102 What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats. 25 / 102 Why don't Calculus majors throw house parties? Because you should never drink and derive. 26 / 102 What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line 27 / 102 What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack? The best of thymes, the worst of thymes. 28 / 102 What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause. 29 / 102 Why should the number 288 never be mentioned? It’s two gross. 30 / 102 What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? “Curses! Foil again!” 31 / 102 What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? Thanks— I’ll never part with it! 32 / 102 What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything. 33 / 102 What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells. 34 / 102 What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta. 35 / 102 How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it. 36 / 102 What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt! 37 / 102 What do you call a pony with a cough? A little horse. 38 / 102 What did one hat say to the other? You wait here. I’ll go on a head. 39 / 102 What do you call a magic dog? A labracadabrador. 40 / 102 What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny. 41 / 102 What’s orange and sounds like a carrot? A parrot. 42 / 102 Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent. 43 / 102 What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen. 44 / 102 What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye matey 45 / 102 Why did the frog take the bus to work today? His car got toad away. 46 / 102 What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison. 47 / 102 What is an astronaut’s favorite part on a computer? The space bar. 48 / 102 Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition? Because it was cultured. 49 / 102 What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes? Re-Morse code. 50 / 102 Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He drank the coffee before it was cool. 51 / 102 Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. He kept leaving little messages around the house. 52 / 102 I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked at me surprised. 53 / 102 Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar? They each got six months. 54 / 102 What's Forest Gump’s password? 1Forest1. 55 / 102 How do poets say hello? Hey, haven't we metaphor? 56 / 102 Where does Batman go to the bathroom? The batroom. 57 / 102 Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because he lost his filling. 58 / 102 What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk. 59 / 102 Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players? They dribble all the time. 60 / 102 What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings? Any dog, because buildings can't jump. 61 / 102 How many times can you subtract 10 from 100? Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90 62 / 102 Why did the M&M go to school? It wanted to be a Smartie. 63 / 102 Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs. 64 / 102 How does a rabbi make his coffee? Hebrews it. 65 / 102 I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it. 66 / 102 I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer. 67 / 102 Why aren’t koalas actual bears? They don’t meet the koalafications. 68 / 102 Rest in peace to boiling water. You will be mist. 69 / 102 What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce? A chicken sees a salad. 70 / 102 Why did the nurse need a red pen at work? In case she needed to draw blood. 71 / 102 How do you throw a space party? You planet. 72 / 102 The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight. 21 73 / 102 Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game? All of the fans left. 74 / 102 What do you call a train carrying bubblegum? A chew-chew train. 75 / 102 Why did the math textbook visit the guidance counselor? It needed help figuring out its problems. 76 / 102 Why can’t male ants sink? They’re buoy-ant. 77 / 102 Want to hear a construction joke? Oh never mind, I’m still working on that one. 78 / 102 Talk is cheap? Have you ever talked to a lawyer? 79 / 102 Why did the gym close down? It just didn’t work out! 80 / 102 Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw! 81 / 102 I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case. 82 / 102 I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it. 83 / 102 Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it. 84 / 102 What did one traffic light say to the other? Stop looking! I’m changing! 85 / 102 What type of sandals do frogs wear? Open-toad! 86 / 102 Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. 87 / 102 What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick! 88 / 102 What starts with E, and has only 1 letter in it? Envelope. 89 / 102 Why doesn’t the sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees! 90 / 102 How do you count cows? With a cowculator. 91 / 102 Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin. 92 / 102 Why is England the wettest country? Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. 93 / 102 Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s okay. He woke up. 94 / 102 What are shark’s two most favorite words? Man overboard! 95 / 102 Can February march? No, but April may. 96 / 10 Where does the sheep get his hair cut? The baa baa shop! 97 / 102 Why are ghosts such bad liars? Because they are easy to see through. 98 / 102 Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. 99 / 102 Where do fish sleep? In the riverbed 100 / 102 How do trees get online? They just log on! 101 / 102 What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear. 102 / 102 Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted. OK, here are the 2 to 8, there's no No. 1 & yes, understood the 19 & 20 joke 2/102 What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus. 3/102 I invented a new word! Plagiarism! 4/102 Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them. 5/102 Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?” Because every play has a cast. 6/102 Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. “Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.” 7/102 Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?” Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house. 8/102 Knock! Knock! Who’s there? Control Freak. Con… OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?” F Leisure* These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts' and are things people actually said in Court, word for word, taken down and now published by Court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. _____________________ ATTORNEY : Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS : Did you actually pass the law exam? _____________________ ATTORNEY : The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS : He's twenty, much like your IQ. _____________________ ATTORNEY : Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS : Are you serious. _____________________ ATTORNEY : She had three children, right? WITNESS : Yes. ATTORNEY : How many were boys? WITNESS : None. ATTORNEY : Were there any girls? WITNESS : Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? _____________________ ATTORNEY : How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS : By death. ATTORNEY : And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS : Take a guess. _____________________ ATTORNEY : Can you describe the individual? WITNESS : He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY : Was this a male or a female? WITNESS : Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with male. _____________________ ATTORNEY : Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS : All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _____________________ ATTORNEY : Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS : The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY : And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS : If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________ And the best for the last.._ ATTORNEY : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS : No. ATTORNEY : Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS : No. ATTORNEY : Did you check for breathing? WITNESS : No. ATTORNEY : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS : No. ATTORNEY : How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY : But could the patient have still been alive? WITNESS : Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. *Received from S K Gupta Panchkula G Collage Tourism Guide India : States : Assam https://www.tripadvisor.in/Attractions-g297590-Activities-Assam.html


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